• by Richard Whitman , Columnist, December 21, 2014

Boston-based Small Army is out with a new product it hopes will help everyone spread holiday cheer far and wide. They have put holiday cheer inside a can. Which anyone can order. No, really, it's true. And the agency will donate 100% of net proceeds to the Boston Medical Center's Preventive Food Pantry.

As explained on the Web site, which is filled with hilarious videos including a Christopher Walken impersonator hilariously touting the product, Holiday Cheer is "a fine paste packed into the most technologically advanced chemical processing plants in all of East Asia. This paste is fused with active cultures and injected into fermented eggnog batter, which is then aged to perfection inside casks of hollowed out fruit-cakes. This process results in a smooth, buttery cream, packed with patented Festive Pheromones which saturating your synapsis with cheer and general merriment."

So how does one use a can of Holiday Cheer? Simply spread a liberal amount on your entire face, wait until the "active ingredients" absorb into your skin and you are guaranteed cheeriness. Well, at least until January 1.