• by Laurie Petersen , April 11, 2016

You can’t call Jim Sterne a frivolous guy.

Founder of the eMetrics Marketing Optimization Summit, he’s also founding president and current chair of the Digital Analytics Association. Sterne has written 11 books on advertising, Web metrics, social media and customer service, including 101 Things You Should Know About Marketing Optimization Analysis.

The Devil’s Data Dictionary: Making Fun of Data, with fantastic illustrations by Yevgenia Nayberg, is Sterne’s 12^th release, written because he thinks everybody is way too serious and the buzz words were getting out of control.

Marketers who are deep into data should get a chuckle out of it and pure data people will laugh out loud.

Herewith, from A-W (no J), are some samples:

Algorithm – Regularly recurring remarks from the former U.S. VP who invented the Internet.

Business Requirements – A negotiated settlement between what the business needs and what the system can do after Business Requirements are ignored.

Cloud Computing – That one looks like an IBM Mainframe! … or a bunny rabbit.

Data Warehouse – Five million dollar apparatus for storing cleaned and pressed data the CEO once asked for after reading an in-flight magazine. Once finished, CEO leaves company; repeat.

Enriched data – Data with ties to Congress.

Feasibility study – Locating the power behind the budget.

Gap analysis – Competitive assessment performed at American Eagle Outfitters, J. Crew and T. J. Maxx in a nice pair of khaki slacks and a button-down shirt.

Hypothesis – An assumption with no emotional attachment.

Inference – Three people in Okemah, Oklahoma, liked “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”; therefore, it follows that everyone wants to see four seasons and seven specials.

Knowledge Management – Capturing, distributing and effectively using knowledge to bend others to your will.

Late Binding – Tying up data at the last minute before torturing it to tell you what you want.

Machine Learning – Autonomous hair-splitting between good and bad with no grasp of right and wrong.

Null Hypothesis – The assumption that this Tinder date is also not your soul mate.

Outlier – A data point you delete because it blemishes the chart.

Pivot Table – A spreadsheet button for twisting the numbers until they support your point of view.

Regression Testing – Ascertains whether you were a Scientologist in a previous life.

Sample Size – As many as you can afford.

Testicle – List of the tests you would run if you had the time, money, data and balls.

Unstructured Data – Seven, otter, sophistry, farming, 404 Error, vision, falling, belabor, selfie, plethora, piano-playing cat video.

Variable – Depends.

Wisdom – An argument that convinces others you had solid reasons for your rash decision.

To justify this column in the category of Cross-Channel Marketing, I asked Jim: Where do you see the gaps continuing between data collected and the ability to truly connect it to sales?

His reply: “Technically, we're still discovering what data there is ... then we have to figure out how to capture it reliably ... then we need to clean it continuously ... then we need to integrate it with the other data we've been collecting ... then we need to derive insights from it that are meaningful to the advertisers, marketers and product managers so that they can take action ... and then we need to keep doing it until the advertisers, marketers and product managers realize that it's valuable and actually start using it.

Piece of cake.