I’m a watch guy. At least I was, before the FitBit.

It started in high school with the discovery of my uncle’s 1950s Hamilton watch in a dresser drawer of my grandparents’ home. Since then I’ve collected numerous watches and have enjoyed wearing them based on the situation or wardrobe required.

That was until I got the Fitbit Ionic watch as a Christmas gift.

Now, I can’t seem to take this data-sucking, reward-spouting, handcuff off. I’m the Phil Dunphy of wearables, annoying my family with reports on how many steps I’ve taken that day. And don’t get me started on my resting heart rate!

The other day I wore a dress watch to a business lunch. After lunch, I went to a store in the mall behind the restaurant. I was bitter for hours because my steps weren’t tracked.

If Strava released my heatmap, you’d see almost every waking moment in my entire life over the last two months. Although I have yet to wear it to bed to track my sleeping habits (just not at that point in the relationship) — that’s coming.

Another wonderful feature: I can now see my daily calorie burn rate, so I’m eating more. Green circle on calories means green light for dessert. Chocolate candy bar? Sure, I’ll just walk another 1,000 steps and pay for it with my watch.

I’m hitting goals, lighting up green circles, and adding pounds! The little vibration on my wrist when I hit 10,000 steps has got me like Pavlov’s dog.

My data-obsessed mind is forcing me to do things I hate, which I guess is the point.

For example, if the temperature isn’t warm enough for shorts, I’m not running outside. However last week I found myself outside running on a 26-degree day! I know that because the little sucker is synced to AccuWeather.

The motivation was not getting a better workout but my curiosity about the impact of cold weather on heart and pace.

I love my weekly reports which tell me that I’m in better shape — but the reality is, my actual performance is declining. The only logical reason for it is that my head and body are now at war.

As the mind keeps demanding new and more data, the signal back from the body seems to be to go @#$% yourself.

Although I really do love this watch (that’s the mind talking) I’m afraid it might actually kill me (sincerely, the body). At least it will leave a trail to determine the cause.

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