Commentary

Just An Online Minute... Sideshow Freaks And Lean Pastrami That's What Holidays Are Made Of

The Industry Holiday Party Schedule, New York
December 2009

I don't care what you do or don't celebrate, I just hope you're happy, healthy, able to pay rent, able to pay your mortgage, unable to resort to violence, devoid of stomach holes and ulcerative colitis, not yelling at strangers in Union Square who stop dead in their tracks for no good reason during the end-of-work pedestrian rush hour... well, you know what I mean. And I hope you don't care what I do or don't celebrate as well. Just know, I will refer to Christmas and Christmas lights because it's been a part of my vernacular since I was a cross-eyed, patch-wearing tyke. I'm not pushing my ideals or lack thereof on you. However, I may push my religious dedication to blinking and static lights because they're AWESOME. Grab your favorite tacky holiday sweater, whip out your online scheduling tool, and let's see if our holiday party schedules tango...

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TONIGHT I have two events. The first is at the Wired Store, pre-celebrating Kofi Annan's presenting of "Tck Tck Tck," a project dedicated to "climate justice" in Copenhagen three days after the party. I knew nothing about this effort, so it's a good thing they're doing this awareness push, isn't it. Mark Ronson was one celebrity name drop I recognized as one of the musical guests.

Doubledown! After the Tck Tck Tck party, my dude and I will hop over to the launch party for NYC Extreme Local (flashing snowboards, Mountain Dew, Guy Fieri blind white hair, pooka shells, yelling) presented by Paper magazine. This will even be at M Studios, which I think is where the Reprise Media holiday party was last year. Really great space. I hope it's a clear night for rooftop shots! 

12/07/09 Monday you'll read about Friday night's parties, but I'll probably post the photos this weekend because I heard you like that. And THEN! At Union Hall in Park Slizzy (Park Slope) I'll be covering The Onion's AV Club INVENTORY party. They promise a variety show -- and the invitation design included a bespectacled puppy. How can you say no? I could say I had plans on Monday night to do the important things in life, like cutting my toenails, watching "Intervention," editing photos from my ever-elusive personal life, and contemplating the state of the economy and why a manicure costs 7 bucks in one salon and 25 in another, but I'm happy to cancel.

12/08/09 Buddy Media Holiday party! They're not the only hosts this year requiring donations upon arrival, but they're the first in my party circuit. I'd like to see this as a year-round requirement. So many people show up, eat, and run, and I've been guilty of grousing about food and other pointless things when year round people are hungry, cold, and alone. A required food, clothing, toy, blanket, Snuggie donation would soften the entitlement a little, wouldn't it? Party crashers should be fined a Winnebago. 

12/09/09 Luncheons are like muscle confusion for the brain. The older folks that can't be bothered to hit the evening booze-and-schmooze scene diversify the full-bar-laden receptions. It's like stepping into the media and advertising way-back machine with those power suits and "stomp on your dreams" pumps. Love it. The Muse awards are always fun because they applaud New York women working their butts off behind the scenes and in front of the camera in film and television. This year the honorees are actresses Julianna Margulies amd America Ferrera, CEO of Lifetime Networks Andrea Wong, and co-head writer of "The Colbert Report" Allison Silverman.

Following my afternoon at the New York Hilton, I'm going to check out the launch party for VEVO. I'm only gently terrified that the hardcopy invitation says "doors close at 6:30 p.m." This makes me think of the D.A.R.E overnighters from middle school. I hope Stephen King's Carrie isn't guest-hosting because I'd like leave relatively unscathed whenever I choose. Guests at this "exclusive" (necessary quotes!) include "the world's leading music companies." 

After that, if I can escape unmarked by buckets of pig blood, I shall hop on the underground trolley to DUMBO for Digital Dumbo #11 Purple Sangria Digital Festivus. Yes, purple sangria in honor of the holiday drive sponsored by Purple, Rock, Scissors where your canned goods up your chances to receive T-shirts and skate decks. My question is... does purple win? And how does one throw purple? I sincerely hope to make it, but I just don't know what to expect from VEVO. YOU should go, however, because Digital DUMBO people rock.

12/10/09 PRNewser is throwing together Manhattan's PR community in one hot room for drink specials, free apps, and inappropriate personal space invasion at Libation. 'Tis the season! Good guys Joe Ciarallo and Jason Chupick make this one hard to miss.

After PRNewser I'll be getting my carni on at Carnival! At Bowlmor. I'm going to pretend I'm at the Mantua Potato Festival, but really I'll be at the Mr. Youth (a social marketing agency) Holiday Party. It's billed as a sideshow, so I'm expecting pyrotechnics, contortionists, and obtusely shaped weirdos. If they don't have the bearded lady, I know my granny is available on late notice.

12/11/09 I'm breaking my "Friday is MYday" oath two weeks in a row and hitting the Zemoga holiday party at Arlene's Grocery. A couple of things made the oath-breaking easy: "lean pastrami and top shelf libation" and "we might play some disco" Lean pastrami, people. Lean. Pastrami.

Tired yet? Well, suck it up, people because the fun doesn't stop heading into the week of 12/13, but let's take it one week at a time, shall we?

Just An Online Minute full size photos are always on Flickr!

Send those invitations to kelly@mediapost.com!

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