• by Sarah Mahoney , 7 hours ago

The universe has ignored my “make it stop” pleas against the pumpkin-spice menace, but for PS haters like me, there’s bad news ahead. Food Navigator, which just reported that pumpkin-spice craze now stands at $1.25 billion in retail sales and has grown at a compounded annual rate of 8.5% a year since the insanity began, is expected to continue at that rate of growth for the next decade.

The season doesn’t officially begin until Aug, 25, which is when Starbucks, largely to blame for the PS problem, resurrects Pumpkin Spice Latte. This year, it’s rolling out new items, including Iced Pumpkin Cream Shaken Espresso and Iced Pumpkin Cream Matcha. Dunkin’, still regarded as something of a pretender among PS purists, launches its PS onslaught Aug, 19, with QSR brands like IHOP and Krispy Kreme not far behind.

New to CPG this year is Old Spice. Extending the pun-heavy playbook, it ran with Holidudes into fall with the Fallidudes collection. The limited-time collection tries to improve the PS hook by tossing in some brotastic puns. That includes Pumpking (sic) scent deodorant, along with Apple Crumbro and Frankenstud. All three are also available in antiperspirants, 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioners and body wash. And yes, we know Native first broached the pumpkin-spice armpit nearly a decade ago, and we’ve even made peace (sort of) with PS beard oil, body lotion and personal lube.

But the Old Spice news is especially grating, now equating PS’ culinary origins to some kind of manly membership club. "The best part of fall isn't just the changing leaves, it's the return of the scents everyone waits all year for," said Kate DiCarlo, P&G’s senior director, communications for the personal care portfolio, in the announcement. “We’ve bottled the scents of everything guys love about fall—from smoky bonfires and football tailgates to cinnamon-spiced comfort food—into three unforgettable fragrances that keep them confidently fresh all season long.”

The spice itself, of course, has been around since Revolutionary War-era cookbooks. The modern incursion was started by Starbucks in 2003 with the Pumpkin Spice Latte era. (It didn’t start adding actual pumpkin to the blend until 2015, according to the flavorologists at Food & Wine.)

Since then, the flavor migrated into all kinds of products where it doesn’t belong, ramen and margarita mix perhaps being the most retch-worthy. New to this year’s PS offenses, because someone has to keep score: Mars is launching a PS RXBar, and Flipz, the otherwise delicious pretzel brand, has compounded the lunacy through a partnership with Dunkin', creating Flipz Pumpkin Spice Donut-Flavored Covered Pretzels.

“No one ever wished for pumpkin spice pretzels, let alone Dunkin' pumpkin spice pretzels,” laments my poor colleague who get PS-bombed on both the QSR and coffee beats,

Alas, there’s no hope for a brighter, PS-receding future. The love is so powerful that Placer.ai last year reported a 27.4% surge in Starbucks’ foot traffic on the day of the launch.