Ask the average
17-year-old girl where she shops for stylish gear, and JCPenney - home to mom-friendly brands like Arizona Jean Company - probably isn't on her list. But to cash in on the $31 billion consumers
spend on back-to-college goods (per the National Retail Federation), the retailer is desperately trying to appear hip to college-bound girls. And how does one look cool? By abusing those dorkier than
thou, obvs. Penney's Facebook fan page for a new furnishings collection called Dorm Life features an interactive online game called "Dork Dodge." Players guide a pixelated female
character through a maze of pickup-line-dropping male stereotypes (featuring a goth dude and a foreign dude, among others). To avoid the unwanted attention, players select far-from-subtle commands
like "Hit him with a Dorm Life desk chair" or "Hide behind the Dorm Life curtains." The Facebook page also provides shopping checklists, shipping suggestions and life-altering
"advice" from current dorm dwellers (example: "I can't live without an over-the-door-rack"). According to Ruby Anik, JCPenney's senior vice president of brand marketing,
"We briefed a test group of young women on our four initial ideas, and Dork Dodge was their first choice." But if Dork Dodge was the first choice, we're scared to see the others;
Facebook commenters have been - understandably - less than forgiving. "Did they watch the movie Clueless and think that's what we all act like?" wrote one. "How pathetic." Or,
for a less succinct comment, there's always "OOMMMMMGGGGGGG.... I AGR33 WiTH 3V3RYON3 3LSE... THiS GAM3 HAS TO B3 AN ABSOLUT3 WAST3 OF TiM3!!!!!!!!!!"
