HERE'S THE COUNT ON DON'T COUNT US OUT -- The most ironic part of Don't Count Us Out's battle with Nielsen over its local people meters, and the part that journalists covering the story have found most vexing, is that DCUO has been faulting Nielsen for its lack of "transparency" and for failing to disclose key information related to its methods and samples. The reason that's so ironic is that DCUO has been anything but transparent about its relationship with its primary financial backer News Corp.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR - Here's a wacky scenario. Suppose for a moment that Nielsen Media Research didn't actually want to be in the minority ratings business.

PEL MEL -- If Mel Karmazin was going to cut-and-run, he couldn't have picked a better time as far as Viacom is concerned. The company has two extremely capable successors - MTV Networks' Tom Freston and CBS' Leslie Moonves - though their co-president/COO status sets the Viacom-ers up for a bloody duel to succeed Sumner Redstone when he retires in the next three years.

THE NIGHT THE LIGHTS WENT OUT ON (770) BROADWAY -- In the beginning it was all about research. Then it was about business.

VIRTUAL, BUT STILL VITRIOL, ERWIN EPHRON SUMS UP THE NETWORK TV AD MARKETPLACE -We've always paid rapt attention to anything Erwin Ephron has to say, but we were a little unsure what to expect when the folks at SQAD introduced a "virtual" Erwin Ephron to provide some testimony for their new NetCosts TV cost database. And it's not because we knew Ephron has a stake in NetCosts, it's just that we were concerned about the whereabouts of the real Erwin Ephron during such an obviously important event as the rebirth of his fledgling database.

NIELSEN FINDS IT CAN'T FIGHT CITY HALL, EVEN IF YOU'RE WEARING BOXER SHORTS - Lately, Nielsen execs have gotten used to airing their dirty laundry in public settings, but they probably never imagined they'd be forced to testify at a New York City Council hearing that also addressed the sale of used underwear in the Big Apple. "Er, are those your legal briefs? Nah, they're just boxers.

DVRs MAY YET PROVE TO BE PC (AND WE DON'T JUST MEAN POLITICALLY CORRECT) -- Here's a truly frightening scenario. Suppose the average TV household didn't have to go out and purchase a new set-top box, or arrange to lease or buy one from their cable or satellite TV provider in order to have a digital video recorder connected to their TV.

TV GUIDE: WHAT'S NEW IS "NEW" AGAIN - TV Guide magazine has launched the second phase of a massive redesign of the magazine and its listing sections as part of an effort to keep the magazine vital in an expanding sea of TV programming content. The current phase focuses on TV Guide's so-called "back-of-the-book" section, which are the black-and-white listing pages that comprise most of the book.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WOLF SHOW'S UP ON FOX, DRESSED NOT IN SHEEP'S, BUT IN KMART CLOTHING? - At a time when some citizens are growing concerned that product placement is becoming the marketing equivalent of a wolf in sheep's clothing, Kmart has teamed with the WB to put its prime-time cast members in Kmart clothing. But unlike the less-than-transparent product integration deals that have consumer advocates concerned, the Kmart/WB deal will be anything but a trade secret.

JOINING THE BUCKET BRIGADE? OR, JUST THROWING MORE FUEL ON THE FIRE? - All this time we thought the "problem" with local people meters was actually the meters, but apparently it has to do with buckets. At least that's what Ray Rodriguez, president-COO of Univision Communications, the Spanish-language TV juggernaut, believes.