WHO'S SCREWING WHOM? - Of all the explanations for the decline in TV viewing among young men - and there have been many of them - the Riff thinks Gale Metzger's may be the most revealing. Metzger, founder of Statistical Research Inc.

SWEPT AWAY - Sometimes Riff wishes the media business had its own inside awards show. Here are some nominations from yesterday's round of November Sweeps spins - er, conference calls.

AGENCY BIG SHOT TO JOIN A&E, BUT WHICH ONE? THE RIFF AIN'T SAYING (FOR NOW) - The Riff hears A&E Networks is close to raiding a top media agency executive to be its new advertising sales czar. A&E, which has seen its programming, ratings and advertising sales presence flounder in recent years, is said to be seeking its very "own Joe Abruzzese," a reference to the impact the former CBS sales honcho has had since joining A&E rival Discovery Networks.

VIEWS AS WE SAY, NOT AS WE VIEW - That appears to be the contradictory mantra of TV programming executives who gathered recently for an IRTS panel discussion on the state of television programming. Those attending the seminar overwhelmingly believed "reality TV" had the best chances of any programming genre of succeeding in the current TV environment.

YOU READ IT HERE FIRST - Riff is feeling a little smug today about the "breaking news" that developed Wednesday with a story, purportedly first broken by Matt Drudge's Web site and then picked up far and wide, reporting that Rush Limbaugh would return to the air Monday, Nov. 17.

JUDGING ROSIE, MARTHA'S NEXT -- Now that the courts have settled Gruner + Jahr USA's suit against erstwhile magazine diva Rosie O'Donnell, the Riff is looking forward to Martha Stewart's day in court. It's not because we have any sense of her guilt, we just can't wait to see if Martha will call Rosie a "bitch" in court, too.

Who's In Charge Of Penthouse? Who Cares? - This just in: Contrary to numerous reports today, Bob Guccione says he has not resigned as editor in chief and publisher of Penthouse magazine or as chairman and CEO of its publisher General Media Inc. General Media Inc.

OKAY, IT'S MOSTLY THE PROGRAMMING, STUPID - The Riff is confused again. We thought the mystery of the missing 18- to 24-year-old men had been solved and that they simply are watching less TV and doing other stuff.

CABLE TV, OR NOT TO BE. AN '04 CAB CONFERENCE WAS IN QUESTION -- At a time when TV ad trade groups would seem to need face time more than ever with advertisers and media planners and buyers, they're pulling back, not expanding.

ALIVE BUT FORGOTTEN - Riff didn't watch the live gala to celebrate the 75th anniversary of CBS, being too busy watching the season premiere of The Simpsons and having the TiVo tied up by one of the teen-agers. Not even the chance to see Betty White again could compete with "Treehouse of Horrors.