DYSFUNCTIONAL AD BOWL - Maybe it's all those testosterone-charged jocks scrimmaging on the field, but the Super Bowl has always seemed like the ultimate event for manly men. So why would this year's game require not one, but ads from three different marketers of sexual impotence drugs.

WATCH FOR PLAYBOY'S NEXT LEGAL PLAY, MATE - The Internet has essentially destroyed the economic model for printed erotic publications, but now the best-known magazine in that field may be getting even. A federal court says it's okay for Playboy to move forward with a suit it filed in 1999 against Netscape and Excite that claims the search engines' use of generic key words like "playboy" and "playmate" to drive traffic to competing adult entertainment sites was a violation of Playboy's trademarks.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, THE RIFF GETS UP AT 5:45 MOST MORNINGS - "What time do you wake up in the morning and decide how you are going to f--- Mel Karmazin?" That, according to former Viacom shockjock Opie was how current Viacom "muckety-muck" Mel Karmazin called him and radio partner Anthony out on the carpet the time "we almost got fired closer than we almost got fired before." While the radio duo do not disclose the nature of that particular offense in their first "on the record" interview since ultimately being fired for hosting a contest that led to …

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTERS P & R - As far as media neighborhoods go, Madison Avenue rarely shows up in the same proximity as Sesame Street, but the two may be situated closer than you think. And it's not just because the long-running pre-school series was one of the first public TV shows to be officially sponsored.

BUSTING BLOCKBUSTER - It's been a while since the Riff has seen a really good pissing match brewing among the major media conglomerates and a new assault by Walt Disney Co. on the video rental marketplace may be just enough to get new sabers rattling between the mouse house and Viacom, which for the moment, is still heavily invested in the dominant homevideo retailer, Blockbuster Video.

BUT WILL FLATTOP EVER GIVE UP HIS LAPTOP - Digital media scion Bill Gates often seems a bit like a cartoon character, but his latest media vision comes straight out of the funny pages. In fact, the kind of wristwatch communications devices Microsoft will introduce next week were being used by Dick Tracy in the early part of the last century.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A WEATHERMAN TO KNOW WHICH WAY THE DISNEY BOARD BLOWS -- It's been an especially chilly fall and winter for Disney chief Michael Eisner, and that may explain his penchant for meteorological metaphors during his keynote at a Smith Barney media conference on Tuesday. After describing a recent "positive" three-day tour he took of flagship Walt Disney World, Eisner pointed out that his No.

WHAT THE OTHER FOUR PERCENT WATCH - You might never guess it based on the lowbrow, downscale nature of the characters in some of its trademark programming, but the viewers of Fox's prime-time lineup turn out to be the most upscale of any broadcast network. Given the overall demographic profile of the average TV viewer, that might not seem like a whole lot, but Fox at least, appears to be keeping up with the Jones'.

If you asked the Riff, we'd tell you the biggest story impacting the advertising and media industries during 2003 was the economy in general and corporate profitability in particular. But no one asked the Riff.