I think I've devised a pretty nifty plan for teaching future generations of college students The Law of Diminishing Returns: I call it "Will Ferrell's movie career." Perhaps you already know what I'm talking about. If you saw Ferrell play the smarmy, dim-witted Ron Burgundy in "Anchorman," then churn out numbingly similar characters for "Talladega Nights," "Blades of Glory" and, now, "Semi-Pro," you understand how a perfectly entertaining idea can grow slightly less satisfying with each successive resurrection. Which makes Ferrell the ideal cover boy for the February/March issue of Complex, a magazine I thought was absolutely brilliant when …

I have to admit when I was checking out the cover of American Cheerleader at the newsstand, the thought crossed my mind that there could be some easy fodder for an amusing review. With headlines like "7 steps to higher jumps" and "Hello?! Do you know the rules?" can you blame me?

It's time for business to pull itself together. A plummeting Dow and subprime horror should convince the most conservative member of the Harvard Club that the big boys are nincompoops at finance. New York Enterprise Report says it's here to help. Per its editor-in-chief, NYER is written "first and foremost for business owners." He adds that "very few magazines target that specific audience." Apparently, he's never heard of Fortune or Fortune Small Business or Business Week.

My absolute favorite thing about Celeb Staff magazine is that it exists. My second favorite? That it's not a joke. If you are unfamiliar with the title -- which I imagine most of us are -- this is an actual bi-monthly magazine addressing the domestic staffing issues of celebrities and the filthy rich. In theory, this is where Shaq goes to decide whether it's time that his staff start wearing uniforms. This is, and I am not even kidding here, where serial cell-phone-chucker Naomi Campbell can learn how not to end up dead at the hands of a disgruntled personal …

Most of us will never see an android, unless they improve time travel. Since we can't master Amtrak, I'm not hopeful. However, for sci-fi fans, there's a cheaper alternative: the cover of Southern Beauty. Nancy O'Dell of "Access Hollywood" hasn't just been airbrushed, she's been sandblasted. Is this what Southern women do? Scarlett O'Hara had her bewitching ways, while Blanche DuBois preferred indirect lighting, but neither let a high-powered industrial vaporizer near her creamy mien. And I'm doubtful any real-life Southern belle would either.

Magazines like Psychologies make me want to book a one-way ticket on the next voyage of the Queen Mary. This is the British version of a "woman's" magazine and it's a far cry from the offerings for U.S. women.

Martha Stewart is the Thomas Alva Edison of the home front. She can transform a hybrid azalea into a tasty pink-petal entrée served on a table crafted out of tiki torches and an ancient maple tree, which she felled single-handedly, after turning its sap into a billion-dollar side biz that tastes great and eliminates acne. Stewart, the head of Omnimedia, is not only an indoor whiz, though her perfectionist streak is a tad clinical, but an outdoor phenomenon. And she proves it with Outdoor Living, a special issue of Martha Stewart's Living.