YOU READ IT HERE FIRST - Riff is feeling a little smug today about the "breaking news" that developed Wednesday with a story, purportedly first broken by Matt Drudge's Web site and then picked up far and wide, reporting that Rush Limbaugh would return to the air Monday, Nov. 17.

JUDGING ROSIE, MARTHA'S NEXT -- Now that the courts have settled Gruner + Jahr USA's suit against erstwhile magazine diva Rosie O'Donnell, the Riff is looking forward to Martha Stewart's day in court. It's not because we have any sense of her guilt, we just can't wait to see if Martha will call Rosie a "bitch" in court, too.

Who's In Charge Of Penthouse? Who Cares? - This just in: Contrary to numerous reports today, Bob Guccione says he has not resigned as editor in chief and publisher of Penthouse magazine or as chairman and CEO of its publisher General Media Inc. General Media Inc.

OKAY, IT'S MOSTLY THE PROGRAMMING, STUPID - The Riff is confused again. We thought the mystery of the missing 18- to 24-year-old men had been solved and that they simply are watching less TV and doing other stuff.

CABLE TV, OR NOT TO BE. AN '04 CAB CONFERENCE WAS IN QUESTION -- At a time when TV ad trade groups would seem to need face time more than ever with advertisers and media planners and buyers, they're pulling back, not expanding.

ALIVE BUT FORGOTTEN - Riff didn't watch the live gala to celebrate the 75th anniversary of CBS, being too busy watching the season premiere of The Simpsons and having the TiVo tied up by one of the teen-agers. Not even the chance to see Betty White again could compete with "Treehouse of Horrors.

TRUTH IN MEDIA -- Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but if history is any indication, Dennis Miller's new show on CNBC will blur the lines between comedy and journalism more than Comedy Central's "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," NBC's "Tonight Show with Jay Leno" or even Fox News Channel's "The O'Reilly Factor." While Miller's "Dennis Miller Live" on HBO is one of our favorite TV shows, the Riff is beginning to get confused about what constitutes news, or commentary or comedy these days.

WHO'S MIKE? I WANT TO BE LIKE LeBRON -- Nike, Sprint, Upper Deck and countless other marketers are breathing easier this morning following the NBA debut of Cleveland Cavaliers wunderkind LeBron James. James, the 18-year-old former high school student come NBA hope, didn't exactly rally the Cavs to a win over the Sacramento Kings (the Kings won 106-92), but James did like the NBA star he was promised to be, suggesting that he also will live up to the product endorsement stardom his sponsors have been banking on.

A BABY'S ARM HOLDING A REMOTE CONTROL - That appears to be what American parents want, according to a disturbing study released Tuesday by the media researchers at the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation.

TV OR NOT TV - WAS THAT THE QUESTION? - Gather a roomful of cutting edge new media gurus in one of downtown New York's swankiest haunts for a discussion on the impact of consumer empowering media technologies and the conversation is likely to turn to, guess what, how godawful the current state of television is. That's exactly what happened Monday night, when the Media Kitchen hosted an event celebrating "50 Years of Consumer Control" at the SoHo House in New York's meatpacking district.