• by Kelly Samardak , May 14, 2008

Date: April 23
Location: SoHo House

"Organize your pretty party" the sign snooted at me from the elevator wall of the SoHo House. "Pretty party?" I thought, wrinkling my forehead and squonking up my nose at the wall. I peered closer and saw that, indeed, at the SoHo house "cowshed" (excuse me?) you could arrange a little party for all your little wrinkly friends (or almost wrinkly) and there would be certified technicians on hand to "administer treatments." And they weren't talkin' paraffin wax. I think you know what I'm getting at.

Starts with a B, rhymes with Motox. Exactly. Again, I was reminded how far from Mantua, Ohio I was.

I walked up to a little table of sweetly smiling girls, gave my name, grabbed my nametag, and scooted through the lopsided yellow arch that framed the door. I wasn't expecting the SoHo House to have such a cute room. Bright yellows, pinks, and glitter! Tori Spelling! And over there - my girl Tanisha! And Hanna!

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're obviously not tbe "sense of fun required, lovin' the layers, a combination of sinner and saint" type of 18- to 34-year-old female who is, "DFW: Down for whatever," deadpanned Oxygen's Jason Klarmen, who I found to be secretly funny, but I think it may have been a secret between me and myself. That girl is the new Oxygen (hmmm, Web site not reflecting rebranding...).

I looove TV. So I was pleased as a sun-speckled peach when speaker after speaker showed quickly revolving, musically montage heavy video snacks of current Oxygen programming and future shows. It was all loud and glitter and makeup and Janice Dickenson's gaping pie hole. Which is perfect because, yes, I did walk away with what they wanted me to soak in - their freshly rebranded Oxygen soul: Live out loud with Oxygen.

Unfortunately the audience wasn't loudly hooting, hollering, clapping, and applauding like my internal hooter and hollerer. The clips from "Bad Girls' Club" were great! Jason Klarmen speaking on behalf of women who would yelp "don't be a hater" was pure comedy... but no one laughed. I didn't want to look like the young unpolished whippersnapper in the audience, but I won't make that mistake again. I suppose I should point out that Jeff Zucker, NBC Universal's president and CEO, was in attendance, but was awkwardly not entertaining questions. When a guest lobbed a quick question in his direction, Lauren Zalaznick deftly swiped it out of the way and firmly decreed that while we were lucky enough to have him in our midst, he'd be like a gorilla at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo: quiet, observant, maybe grunting a little, but definitely NOT answering questions.

The only thing I love more than TV is a plate of meat. Oh, and maybe disco balls. Oh, and goldfish as logy decoration. All of those things were there.

Check out the goldfish in the full Flickr set!

Ready to rock? Invite Kelly to cover your next big bash in Just an Online Minute! Send invitations to kelly@mediapost.com