• by Jack Feuer , September 10, 2008

"Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls," goes the axiom. "Intelligence is not trying." Don't tell that to America, though, because stupidity is an art form in this country.

And last week, we were all freakin' Picassos.

Let's begin with politics, which is really out-marketing marketing in this election. You still think we live in a consumer-controlled world? Then you weren't watching when the moose-killing mama whipped a sea of red-state GOP brown shirts into a howling frenzy in Minneapolis, using the same Orwellian puppet mastery that won the last two elections.

When we inevitably vote against our self-interest again in November, and Sister Sarah inherits the presidency after John McCain has a senior moment and falls off the deck of an aircraft carrier, we'll all feel buyer's remorse.

But until then, praise Jesus.

Moving on to our own intellect-starved industry, we witnessed the tragic consequences of leaving former media agency CEOs alone without adult supervision. Carolyn Bivens, ex-leader of Initiative and now head of the LPGA, presided over an image-obliterating debacle in which the women's golf group decided that if you don't speak English, you're not qualified to play in their tournaments.

Ay, mami.

Then yesterday, we learned that Google and NBC Universal have entered into a "strategic partnership" in which the former will sell ads on the latter's cable networks. In so doing, the duo took one giant leap closer to dis-intermediating media agencies--an idea that will, when fully realized, make buying negotiations as fair and balanced as Fox News.

But until then, what a genius that Jeff Zucker is, huh?

Last, but far from least, we come to my bête noir, digital media. Facebook suggested I add two people as friends because we share work history. Two people I do indeed know--and would cheerfully garrote, gut-shoot and impale on a short stake in my backyard, so I can open my window and listen to them screaming whenever I need a laugh.

Just how many marketers obsessed with social media are taking a fast Facebook train to hell with this stuff? How many misdirected invitations to befriend enemies and mistargeted messages fly around social media? How many times has Amazon suggested a gift for you when you're shopping for a birthday gift for your grandmother?

Sorry, Gran, those Xtenze pills were for me.

There's no telling when a marketer is going to be sabotaged by this stuff. I sought out Vipin Mayar, executive vice president, global director of data and analytics for MRM Worldwide, for insight into the allure of social networks. He said: "It's fun, it's entertaining, it keeps me connected. I'm kind of hooked. It's like a drug. But a drug can bite you. You don't even know what the side effects are."

Exactly.

Naturally, The New York Times ran a long, pithy, completely ridiculous story this cursed week on the new "digital intimacy," in which it called Mark Zuckerberg "doe-eyed," like I don't have enough to gag about already. It also included one tech tool bragging that she "can solve any problem on Twitter in six minutes."

Really? OK, make Facebook stop sending me dumb-ass friend suggestions.

But until then, get your bathing suit on and meet me at the waterfall.