Did you know that the 4th of July was going to be called the 6th of July, but it didn't have the same ring to it? You didn't know because it's not true. What is true is that the entire tri-state area goes on vacation the week of July 4th -- which means instead of reading about a explosive blowout at Cielo with media industry heavy-hitters, you get to ride along the NJ Transit with me to little bitty Red Bank, N.J. for rain, salmonella, and fireworks!

Doesn't summer seem like the best time to throw a big fat party? If I had millions of bucks flowing in from advertising sales and from my superior intelligence cornering the market on targeted "you're 31 and fat" (thanks, Facebook, I really needed to read that before I head to Red Bank, N.J. for the 4th) ads, I'd be throwing a party where all drinks are served in recyclable tiny gas cans (shout-out to soaring gas prices!) and events would include "shaved ice wrestling" and the "tuna tartare toss." I'm just saying.

Trains derail, rollercoasters derail, and things like... well, anything on tracks derail. Though I do not run on tracks, I, too, tend to derail easily. For instance, yesterday I planned to hit the gym before hunting for the Uptown Magazine Summer Issue and Uptown.net launch party. But I walked by Friendhouse on the way home and had to stop in for sushi. There went the gym. I almost backed out of the Uptown party because hopstop, google maps and directions, and online reviews couldn't find Talay, the destination, on any maps. Go ahead, go to hopstop.com and choose destination 701 …