I must be getting old. I know I know, you could come back with how much older you are than me, but I'll bet you have no idea, I'm probably older than you. A few things are really good indicators of mindless youth seeping swiftly out the door like a bored roach. One would be the level of "Girls Gone Wild" that I used to portray in the company of, well, company uppity ups. But even back in the day I don't recall jumping up on stage, shaking what my mamma gave me, and publicly molesting the beauty queen of …

Do you miss Enron? Man, those guys threw great parties. Hey, guess what? You can get your slice of Enron (minus the bilking, bamboozling, and hardcore bimbos) at any late night Advertising Week party! So far I've seen more professional gals (at least I assume so) behaving badly than I've seen in a Real World/Road Rules Challenge. That makes me ponderous man, really ponderous. Let's consider exhibit B: the MIXX afterparty, sponsored by Adify, at the over-stimulating-chuck-e-cheese-for-urbanites 40/40 Club.

It's Wednesday and I'm only now writing about an Advertising Week event. Think of it this way, when you're bored and suddenly in charge of you own life and schedule, suddenly this column will hit your inbox/browser and you'll say "oh my gosh, I nearly forgot about that incident." See, I do it for you. I also went to the Stars of Madison lunch at Nokia Theatre to see if stars can sparkle around noon.

Falling on swords is fun, right? I never really got that phrase in business. I mean, why would you ever say to a client "I'll fall on my sword for that"? If someone said that to me, I would have to cut them loose for being too overdramatic (well, more dramatic than me) and also in need of counseling for their suicidal ambitions. I'm going to use it now because what is one thing that I've said before about other people's invitations? Something about directions? Yeah. I read and reread the invitation and never thought to double-check the location.

Like A Tribe Called Quest, OMMA was on award tour. I didn't see Q-Tip, but I used them. What I did see were a bunch of people gussied up, drooling over sushi, some hoping to win and others there to show support. What better way to wrap up what was also the first day of OMMA Global New York than with a big acrylic oblong purple and orange OMMA Award? It's every little creative director's dream. Raise the curtains!

OMMA Global New York wrapped up day one with what will go down in history as my favorite Expo Hall-centric beverage fest. Why? Because of "Rock Band." Oh that's right, Reprise Media sponsored the Wi-Fi situation, and with that came "Rock Band "in the Wi-Fi lounge. Want to know what happens when you slap a bunch of instruments into the hands of marketing nerds who just may have had a few beverages? I dare you...

Here we are! Day One of OMMA Global New York. I'll try to keep this post somewhat brief, because I'm also going to try and post again later with party/cocktail pics. Because, you know, it's fun and all to post the conference, but I know you crazy critters like to see the party-style mugging.

Ok, ok, I'll keep the sorority nudges and estrogen level references to a minimum. I mean, isn't this what we women have fought against since the 1800s? Aren't we at a place where a huge group of women won't get the "chattering," "gaggle," "henhouse" grammar treatment? Come on; don't take yourself so seriously. I don't. Especially if I'm at an event for "Girls in Tech" where the sign is pink, the glasses are burlesque-y, and the dudes were sparse. Well, this wasn't called Dudes in Tech now, was it?

Just as I sat down to write this in my "what the heck, this is September" sweat, I opened a package on my desk from Buddy Media! So cute, inside was a little schoolish case with a calculator (for you futuristic types, this was a thing with numbers on it and the ability to add, subtract, multiple, divide, and sometimes get percentages and square roots with! And! Wonder of all wonders, it did not exist in your cellphone! Zowwee!), rulers, sticky notes, and the "Social Season Survival Kit." I won't go into those details yet, but I'll bet your …

I want to make a few things clear right now. And that is that Morris + King (they've repped Stardoll.com for two years now) and a ton of other PR agencies are fantastic. They're good people. However, the way I was bullied, word-slapped, and yodeled at by a rep from Full Picture PR (who reps Heidi Klum and Jordache) not only clarified to me how other press/writers/journalists can abhor the PR function, but also makes me think that Heidi Klum, who was polite, sweet, and hotter than a twice-baked potato, would not appreciate someone attached to her/their brand acting like …