• by Eric Ralls , September 4, 2003

Mars gets no respect.

In spite of being one of our closest celestial neighbors and, so far, the only other planet to show signs of life as we know it (ancient, fossilized, microscopic though the life signs may be), with the exception of a nearly forgotten candy bar, no one seems to want to use the Red Planet as a marketing platform.

It was only last week that Mars passed within 34,646,418 miles of Earth (give or take a few hundred yards) something that hasn't happened since Neanderthals gazed heavenward. That this won't happen again for 60,000 years produced nothing more than a yawn from marketers. Geez, remember the hoopla generated by SkyLab simply falling harmlessly out of the sky: helmets, tee shirts, TV and newspaper stories, national countdowns, school projects, worrisome predictions.

Given the recent rush to commercialize everything (ads on the sides of Russian rockets, LDTs in elevators) and everybody (Jessica Lynch's rescue, a guy willing to auction off naming rights to his newborn) it is, well, downright un-American not to use Mars to move product!

Mars is home to Olympus Mons, the largest mountain in the Solar System, rising 78,000 ft. above the surrounding plain. I can see an SUV ad now where optional oxygen masks deploy as the happy couple passes through 40,000 feet enroute to the heart-stopping view from the summit. Or maybe a pitch for antifreeze. Or life insurance.

The name of the month March derives from Mars. How perfect for a seasonal promotion for Mars-brand teen spring or summer clothes? After all, by April the kids' tastes will have moved on to a new look. As Pet Rocks (and Guess jeans) proved, you can make a lot of money in 30 days.

Not everyone is asleep at the wheel. The National Institutes for Health gave a grant to Health Media Lab to produce "Hungry Red Planet'' a computer simulation that teaches kids about healthy eating by putting them in charge of menu planning for a group of settlers on Mars. Doesn't that sound just like a government-sponsored game? Imagine the reaction when parents suggest a switch from Grand Theft Auto, the best selling video game of all time.

With Mars almost 50 percent closer to earth now than normal, surely somebody somewhere saw a marketing opportunity. Perhaps the PR guy vetoed a really cool campaign in the planning by reminding the creative team that Mars was the Roman god of war and this is probably not a great time to associate your product with armed conflict. Had the PR guy gone to Harvard instead of CCNY, he might have known that Mars was first a god of agriculture before becoming associated with war, making it just right for tying in with a new line of designer vegetables or another over-sugared, under nourishing kids cereal.

If you missed the over-the-back-fence visit by Mars on August 27, (and you did, you know) there is still time to capitalize on the public's fascination with Mars. Three rovers are landing there in December, and will be beaming back high-def photos of the Martian surface for months. Carpe Diem!

Come on Madison Avenue, we have a history here. Nobody ever made a TV show called "My Favorite Neptunite!" The pointed-headed tin men who demand "Take me to your leader!!" are always Martians! Detroit had success with a "Mercury" and a "Saturn," Disney did well with a "Pluto," and there's a "Venus" making lots of dough on tennis courts. A computer company grabbed off "Sun", hillbillies make "moonshine," somebody even cleaned up with "Comet!"

Where's the love for Mars? No wonder it's an angry red planet!

Eric Ralls is Founder of RedNova. com