Today, the only thing you can call me is hungry. Oh yeah, and full of burgers. And guess what? For those of you who think I go to events and just kiss so much butt that my lips turn into toilet paper -- get ready, because I have nothing bad to say about Food Network magazine. Not a thing. I know, turn away from the positivity, it's downright gnarly.

What do manscaping, baldies, bowling, and beer have to do with online marketing, media, and advertising? EVERYTHING, people, EVERYTHING. Sometimes I get really great invitations like a mysterious hologramtastic announcement for Hennessey, and my "oooo this is awesome" kneejerk reaction is to go, but then I realize that the OMMA angle isn't really there and that's when I feel like a schmuck and beg off. So anyway, I get this invitation on Monday for a night of manscaping, bowling, and beer from Conair -- promoting their new Conair CleanHead. My dude is a baldy, so I had a victim, now …

When you hear "7 Minutes..." without knowing what follows, what do you think of? Me, because I'm a total pervert (and I was growing up, too) it makes me think of "7 minutes in heaven" that glorious, and highly anticipated in my adolescent mind, coed party game where you and some random other were chosen to spend 7 heavenly minutes in a dark closet together -- left to your own sweaty hormonal devices. Well, yesterday afternoon, VideoEgg held "7 minutes to reinvent the Internet," where creative types had, you got it, 7 minutes to tell the captive audience how they …

Last night I went to two parties that couldn't have been more different from each other. The first was at Porterhouse in the Times Center (where the Time 100 was also being held -- yeah, that red carpet wasn't for you Wall Street types) and the second was with IDG Technet where I felt like I had crashed an academic frat party and was warmly accepted by the small crowd regardless. Put on your sombreros and grab an empanada -- it's time to celebrate something!

Marley provided the background music, but Buffett would have fit right in. The attendees at the MediaPost Email Insider Summit gathered Sunday night at an idyllic setting at the Captiva Island, Fla. resort that called to mind Buffett's beloved Keys. That's Jimmy -- not Warren, whose inability to call the recession would likely have conjured up unwanted feelings.

I love when you guys have parties on the East side of town so I can either take just one subway or even walk to the event. When events are on the Lower East Side there's a bonus of discovering not yet investigated bars and lounges - however, the price to pay is this one stretch on Bowery just before Spring where there is either a methadone clinic or a shelter of some sort. Not a drawback to the people who frequent it, but when it's dark, and you're little, and you have a big camera in your sack like …

For whatever reason, I thought yesterday's IFC "Make Media Matter" panel was at 12:30 p.m. When I revisited hopstop.com to confirm my navigation, I peeked into my Google calendar and yelped "crack!!" and smacked myself when I saw it was actually set to begin at noon. This was no good, since the clock read 11:55 and I hadn't yet had my coffee. I bolted out the door, flew to the subway, and made it to the Paley Center for Media in a ball of sweat, having survived two coughing assaults (yes, two people coughed directly on me), just seconds before …