Man, last night I had to chant some major affirmations to get my buns out the door for more parties. The night before I had covered four, and I was feeling people'd out. I hate when I feel that crusty attitude take hold, because it affects my ability to maintain conversations. My words get jumbly and I try to hide behind potted plants. This would not work for a night of three very diverse and promising-to-be-fun events, so I sucked it up, punched myself in the face, and headed out the door to Saks Fifth Avenue, the location of the …

I pulled my thick ponytail in front of my face and took a big whiff. We had swiftly exited the RadiumOne party, but not fast enough to avoid the sticky stink of cigarette smoke. It had already taken root in my hair. I was pleased to see a sign at the entrance of Avenue Lounge asking nicotine addicts to refrain from damaging puffing.

Still flicking at popcorn wedged in my teeth with my tongue, I wandered over to Provocateur from The Park NYC. A more accurate statement would be that I walked up and down 9th Avenue trying not to look like a lost tourist, checking google maps again and again for confirmation that Provocateur was indeed on 9th between 13th and Little West 12th. Finally I sucked it up and asked a doorman who directed me toward the other side of the Gansevoort to the Hudson Street entrance. Hudson. Do you hear me, Google? Update your maps.

Some people challenge themselves with marathons; I challenge myself with a marathon party schedule. I set the ambitious goal to cover not one, but FOUR ad:tech new york parties last night. I set specific time windows, figuring in walk and travel time, and set my phone alarms to alert me when it was time to hoof it out of the current party and run to the next. The fact that the first three were within walking distance of each other made it easier -- as well as the fact that I left one party within 20 minutes of arrival due …

When my nephews were little, I remember riding in the car to their soundtrack. It was always The Beastie Boys' "Paul's Boutique" and Raffi's "Bananaphone." Both would burrow into my head, invading my background thoughts for days after hearing them. Whenever ad:tech New York comes around, "Bananaphone sneaks right back in, "ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, BANANAPHONE!" because every day, more than eight times a day, blow up my phone with the same message: "I understand you're attending ad:tech this year, if I could just heh heh grab 15 minutes of your valuable time, I'd love to talk …

The last couple of weeks have been insane. I never could have predicted that this year October and November would be hot party months, based on simple things like the economic barf-fest. A quick glance at my headlines gives a bizarre snapshot of what my life with you is like. Combined, last week looked something like this: hairy dudes, hot dogs humping, sea legs, meat butter, women on top, ninjas, and a human sake cask. Sounds just like your week, right?