• by Don Seaman , Featured Contributor, September 9, 2010

Google, you ... complete me.

Google Instant has redefined the very definition of time. Internet Deity knows that those milliseconds that I waste typing could mean milliseconds I could relish, soaring with virtual delight as I'm whisked away to my intended Web site semimoments faster. What a fool I've been; how much of my life will I never get back? all those times I had to hit [ENTER] when launching my search? I was ever so grateful when you saved me once, telling me how I could save time by pressing [ENTER], rather than laboriously reaching for my mouse and hitting the Search button.

But now, it's like a whole new world has opened up to me. And I'm never going back.

Google Instant has completely terraformed my life. My mind is now your fertile, unseeded garden. I'm ready to have your algorithms fill in my thoughts like... well, you tell me. I'm just that barren of a plain. I need to be nourished, cared for, shepherded. Why, when I type "Oscar," how am I supposed to know whether or not I mean "awards telecasts," "Mayer," or "Madison?" You'll know. Your gentle web will guide me, delicately, to where I need to go. My will is in your hands, where it belongs.

Because every aimless child knows, you should always listen to your Big Brother.

I will go where you tell me. I no longer have to just feel "Lucky;" henceforth, I will be certain. My missions will be instant, my direction, steady. You will always be the words beneath my keys.

I will never feel the need to Yahoo!, Ask, or webcrawl again. I've answered my last Bing. My Vista has been permanently Alta-ed. I'm free of the burden of having to search for the best search. My ship has finally come in, and it knows just which port to go to next.

And just think of the time I'll save, never having to say the phrase, "well, THAT'S a millisecond I won't get back!" as you effortlessly keep me from laboring over vast stores of knowledge that I might accidentally explore. No longer will I be saddled with the burden of increasing the scope of my world through extraneous information hunting. My searches will be laser-targeted, unidirectional.

Google Instant, thank you for focusing my world. I love it when you finish my... DEGREE

BASEMENT

SENTENCE

DEGREE ONLINE.

What could possibly go wrong with something so right?

(Now, Google, if you could only guide me as effortlessly on my TV as you do online, you might just make it after all. If only there were some way of marry your mastery of the incredible breadth of content that's available today on the web with my dusty old failed TV, it would truly be a complete entertainment device. Or did I miss something? I'll have to Google it. Just gimme a millisecond.)