Once again, I would like to go on the record as firmly, proudly, incontrovertibly pro-cuteness. I prefer things that are cute, like nesting dolls and marshmallows, to things that are not cute, like drains and infected cuticles. If you gave me the choice between Quvenzhan Wallis and Ed Asner, I'd totally pick little Quvenzhan and her bedimpled cheeks and the curls that dangle off her temples like... holy mother of Mellencamp, is that a baby otter?!? I absolutely LOVE baby otters! Ho ho - the little guy thinks he's people! See? My pro-cuteness credentials are impeccable.
Pity the poor cinematic auteur. Years ago, his Malick-ian vision was frustrated by plutocrat sine qua nons like cameras, film and talent. Nowadays, that high bar to entry has been lowered, courtesy of digital distribution and dime-at-a-time Kickstarter backing. Alas, the D.I.Y. rising tide has lifted all rafts, including ones in which slackers reenact the climactic Unforgiven confrontation with sock puppets.
The year was 2008. Bankers were awarding mortgages to any individual whose footwear didn't announce "my current domicile is a mud hut." Lifetime's "How to Look Good Naked" taught an insecure, body-dysmorphic nation how to look good, naked. On the Internet, we reveled in the glory of branded Flash-y sites with embedded video doohickeys. Oh, the techno-pageantry! Clicking on one thing took you to another thing - which, in turn, revealed either another thing or another another thing. In the end, there were many things.
Like everyone else, when I was made aware of yesterday's video teaser promising a huger-than-Mothra-and-Antarctica-combined online announcement from Beyonc at 9 a.m. ET this morning, I cleared my calendar. Deadlines were postponed. Appointments were abandoned. The kid was passed off to the neighbors, or at least a couple wandering around our cul-de-sac who probably live somewhere in the general vicinity. After Beyonc's disappearance from the public eye - it seemed as if a full four days had passed since she'd last been sighted - I was ready. It was time.