If you visit the Spring Break hall of fame in Daytona Beach, you'll find a special exhibit commemorating my antics over the years. There's a shrine that pays tribute to the four nonfiction books I read during a senior-year trip with [redacted] and [redacted] to [redacted]. There's a pavilion in which guests can relive the time I bailed on my final pre-break lecture to visit car dealerships with my mommy, who needed to test a range of seats for lumbar support. Those were heady times, friend. I partied like it was 1999 in 1999.
Jesus H. Christ. Enough with the blippin' wonder-moms already. Instilling brand videos with a healthy dose of mom worship has become the viral-bait equivalent of praising the troops. No reasonable person would disagree, right? Of course moms are wonderful! They are generous with their time and their hugs!
A month ago, Honey Maid launched a campaign, "This Is Wholesome," that celebrates families of all kinds. Apparently its message of love and tolerance struck the wrong chord with commenters who believe one, that unions can only exist between a man and a woman of identical racial heritage and two, that a bombardment of exclamation points is the most effective means of accentuating the verbiage that preceded it.
Apparently I've just answered a question nobody asked: Is it possible to be swayed by a food/beverage campaign if the product it promotes has long made you want to cauterize your taste buds? I guess so, because Heineken's dippily named but otherwise clever and quirky "The Legendary Posters" prompted me to crack open my first Heineken since the unfortunate incident with the t-shirt cannon and the mall cop.