True Value feels your pain. Not-so-breaking news: there are aliens in New Mexico. Is that Che Guevara? Nope, it's Richard Branson for the Financial Times. Let's launch!

Say hello to the female version of Dog the bounty hunter. McDonald's salads take a walk on the Southwest side. You couldn't clog a Kohler toilet, even if you tried. Let's launch!

Suicidal chocolate bunnies. Everybody wants hair like Paulie Walnuts' -- and a moustache like Keith Hernandez'. Let's launch!

"Star Wars" goes postal. IBM cuts the cord. Shoppers at Bloom get happy. Let's launch!